Seeking Help

I am really independent. It seems to be coded in my DNA. I am that independent.

There can be a lot of virtues about being independent. Being independent helps my life in a lot of ways. But like most things, there are two sides. This post is about the other side of independent:

It can make me think I don't need any help.

And, little secret, sometimes I really do need help.

Ok, I have three kids under the age of four. It is not a secret at all that I need help. But, for some reason, my head still treats this as a secret. Because...I am, and want to be, independent.

And that can stop me from asking for help. And not asking for help can make my life worse.

So, since the birth of my littlest boy,  I have been working hard at asking for help (or saying yes more often when it is offered).

Seeking help is hard. Seeking help admits I might actually need help.

AND...

Seeking help, it turns out, can also be freeing and, well, um, helpful.

I have seen this first hand in a few ways in just the last few weeks and I think I am on to something with seeking help.

Way back before we adopted Isaac I was diagnosed with post partum depression (PPD) following a miscarriage. This makes you more likely to be diagnosed with PPD again so I, and my medical team, are on the lookout for this after I give birth. Peter's birth was also pretty traumatic, which also ups your PPD chances. But, I have felt pretty good since he was born, far from perfect because this is all HARD stuff having three little boys, but pretty good. So I decided to see a Psychiatrist. Why? Well, because I am trying to seek help and maybe she would have a different take on my head right now. Maybe I would need help, maybe I wouldn't, but to be a person who seeks help, I had to first ask. We had a lovely chat over the head of my sleeping baby. She agreed my head seemed pretty good, not perfect, but pretty good. She had some ideas for me. I am going to try them out. Mostly I feel freed from wondering if I am really okay because I went seeking help instead of doing it on my own.

Then there was breastfeeding. For me, it is an okay thing, not the magical experience some seem to have, but I like feeding my babies. It hasn't been going perfect. The independent part of me says "eh, it is going well enough, everyone struggles". But I want to be a help seeker so I decided to see a lactation specialists. Maybe she would have some ideas for me or maybe she would say we were fine. Turns out, Peter has a little tongue tie. Getting that fixed should help a few things. She gave me some other ideas, too. Seeking help is going to bring healing to my baby (and to me).

That second one I feel extra good about because other professionals said I didn't need to go, that I was "probably fine". I decided to be a help seeker instead and learned we really needed help. This is what is about. I am proud of myself for choosing to seek help.

Maybe there are other times I didn't know I needed help and I really did. I get a little afraid to ask for help sometimes, It is the curse of the independent. So this help seeking is a growing experience for me. My husband recently told me the following phrase and it is my new "go to" for thinking when I don't want to seek help because I don't want to face rejection...."the answer will always be no until you ask". How many times have I just assumed no and made my life actually a little harder?

So I want to be a help seeker because its turning out that life can be a little easier with some help along the way.