In early 2013, I had a toddler and had just found out I was
pregnant with my second child. I owed a small business that did government
consulting and, up to this point, had worked full time. But in that season, I
was winding down some of my work and gear up to be more involved in the care
and keeping of (soon to be) two little boys. I was thrilled with the direction
my life was taking. As much as I loved my work, I loved being a wife and mom
and running our little household.
At this same time a very popular book was released. It made
all the morning talk show rounds. It was showing us a new way for women to look
at their careers. It was a call to be more in the workplace. It was a call, as
the title shared with us, to Lean In. Sheryl Sandberg’s book was a hot
topic among my friends, especially working friends. It sent many of them in to
a frenzy of how to, once again, figure out how to have it all. Whatever they
did with their families, they better not “lean out” at work. To be honest, I
didn’t read the book because what my friends were saying about it was stressful
enough. I was clearly in the “lean out” group. It was where I wanted to be, but
all of a sudden, with this new hit phrase of “lean in”, I was starting to
question what value I would have should I continue down the path I was on to
move more towards staying home with my babies.
Fast forward three years and I now had three little boys and
had recently moved. Over the past year I had done very little paid work and was
trying to decide if I would go back and look for more work. That decision was,
in a way, made for me when we learned about Peter’s neurological condition and
birth defect. I was definitely needed full time at home with all of his
therapies and doctor visits so I closed the doors of my company. I had
officially “leaned out”.
Lots of feelings and emotions and thoughts have filled the
last 3 years since I closed the doors of my company. I love being a mom. I love
being home with my kids. I miss making money. I miss interacting with the
technical side of my brain. I don’t miss the politics of work or the stress of
finding contracts. I still feel this little tug of guilt that I am not doing
“enough” as a stay at home mom. How do you measure success? Accomplishment?
Could another mom have “done it all”?
Then a trusted advisor handed me an article that reframed it
all. On the day before Mother’s Day this year the Wall Street Journal had an
article titled “Coming to Appreciate Stay-at-Home Moms”. It was written by a childless
career woman who had recently landed on some hard times. She was amazed to find
out that in her time of crisis it was her friends who were stay at home moms
who had the time and space in their lives to help her, to listen to her, to
care about her wellbeing. They were simply doing for her what they did for
their families. As the writer put it “they were leaning in – to people, not
organizations.” They were creating the most important ingredient for a better
future…human capital.
Wow. That flipped my narrative from 2013 right upside
down. I certainly had leaned out from the corporate table, but I have very much
been leaning in to family. My last few years have been spent in countless
therapies, preschool drop offs, playgroups, dinner making, Target runs, diaper
changes, and many sleepless nights with, and over, the kids. I have been
leaning in very very far. I have invested these years in my family, in raising
good humans. And that is a very good and worth endeavor. I am leaning…exactly
where I am supposed to be.