Dear Joel,
Today is your first day of Kindergarten! A few hours ago we
held hands as we walked to the bus stop together. We didn’t say much. I think
we were both nervous we would cry. You smiled bravely and so did I. You told me
that you were most afraid you wouldn’t have enough time with mommy. I said we
would find a way. I couldn’t say anything else. Then we hugged and you got on the
bus and we waved and you were off to your adventure. I can’t wait to hear all
about it when you get home.
But here is the rest of my side of the story. I cried more
than I expected in the last few days. I cried after I put you to bed last night
and we both said we were proud of each other. I spent most of last night awake
praying. I prayed for you and the boy you are becoming. I prayed for your
teacher. I prayed with tears of thankfulness, because there were so many years I
didn’t think I would even have a you to put on a bus today. I prayed in
thankfulness that I will see you at the end of the day when some mommas have
said goodbye to their kids until heaven.
I spent some time last night feeling like I couldn’t let you
go today. You are MY Joel. I am your mom. I love you more than anyone and I
wanted to find a way to keep you. But that isn’t how the world works, is it? It
isn’t about keeping you. It is about letting you go be you. The amazing one-of-a-kind
you that you can only be as you spread your wings in the big wide world.
I had to let you go today because you were ready to go. You
waited so patiently for this day. You have been watching all the other kids go.
Because of your Fall birthday, you spent some extra time in preschool. You can do lots of math already. You are so
close to reading on your own. You are social and love to be around people. To
keep you would be to hold you back. I love you too much to do that. You will
shine in school. You will grow in school. I am excited to see it, even if my
tears are flowing today.
There is another reason I had to let you go today. It came
to me last night as I was thinking of all your amazing attributes. The world needs
you. To keep you would be selfish. The world is a bit crazy right now. The
world needs people just like you now more than ever.
You are kindhearted. If someone is sad, you find a way to help
cheer them up. If they are lonely, you include them. The world needs you.
You are friendly. You make new friends everywhere you go. I
know when you come home today you will have fifteen new friends (even if you
don’t know their names yet!). The world needs you.
You have a smile for everyone. I know the teachers today
will appreciate your smiles on this first day of school. You brighten the world
with that smile. The world needs you.
You have a sharp mind. You are always thinking of how things
work and ways to figure out a new idea or plan. School will help you learn to
do that even more. The world needs a thinking you.
You help others. Some kids in your class will be very nervous
and you will help them find their way. The world needs you.
You are a peacemaker. Kindergarten is where everyone learns
a lot about how to get along with others. This comes naturally to you and you
can show others how to do it. The world needs you.
See, the more I think about it, there is no way to keep you as
my little boy home with me. You are ready for school, and more importantly, it
is time to share you with the world. To share the hope that you will bring. The
world needs you. You will go do amazing things. I know you will. All I had to
do was let go.
But I will still be really excited when you get home!!
I love you,
Mommy
