A Few Thoughts on Adoption

November does a lot of celebrating of adoption...World Adoption Day (today), National Adoption Day (in a few weeks), and Orphan Sunday (for you church folks)...all this month so there is a lot of talk about adoption out there for a few weeks.

One look at my family and it should be pretty obvious that this topic is near to my heart. So dear, in fact, that we don't really need November to remind us...we celebrate adoption daily.

But it never hurts to stop and share a few thoughts...so here are a few that have been floating around in my head.

First, "orphan" is not my favorite word to use in adoption. Yes, there are a LOT of orphans and many of them are adopted into homes but not all adoptees are "orphans" exactly. That implies a lack of parents. My son never lacked in parents. In fact, he has an abundance! He went from one set of loving parents to another through an amazing act of love. My point:

1. A young man walked up to my husband and me, shook our hands, and expressed his appreciation and gratitude for the journey we were about to take to raise his son.
2. A young woman with tears in her eyes transferred a tiny little baby into my arms, said "I will always love him", and turned away so she wouldn't have to watch us leave with her son in our arms.

That boy was loved by parents from his first moment. He isn't an orphan. Ok, that was sort of my soap box moment. 

Moving on.

Second, sitting in church on "Orphan Sunday", I wondered if it gets at more Christians to use that wording because of the whole idea of orphans adopted by God? I don't really know. What I would have liked to have said to our church family, and I may well ask to say at some point, is that you don't have to adopt to care for the orphans (silly idea...but you don't have to marry to care for a widow, so there). We needed (still need? may always need?) a huge amount of support to adopt. There were many places our church family at the time stepped in...financially, physically (fundraising is WORK, people!), and emotionally. In my mind these people were very involved in adoption even if they didn't take the child home (and a few probably would have!). I think a lot of Christians don't feel like they are in a position to take in a child so they do nothing but those are the extremes...just find an adopted or foster family and come alongside us. We all need it. Trust me.

Third, it isn't really possible to describe how I felt the day Isaac's adoption was finalized and he was forever a member of our family and I was forever his mom. I just can't wrap words around the impact of the judge asking if we were swearing to be this child's parents forever and then issuing the final "forever" verdict. Yet this is also what God did for us in adopting us into his family. Honestly, before  I stood before the judge on finalization day I don't think I fully grasped the implications of adoption by God. Maybe it was just me, I don't know, but I almost think there isn't any way to fully grasp the adoptive love of God without adopting a child. I know that is most likely an oversimplification, and not everyone is going to adopt, but, man, if you are considering adoption....just know that it will have some crazy profound impacts like this one that you never even considered. 

People say we changed Isaac's life, true enough, but no one gives quite enough credit to how much Isaac' changed our lives.

The Awesome House Finding Story

We arrived in Seattle late on Friday night with ONE week to find a house. After months of wondering if the job would come through or looking at houses night after night, we still were uncertain about buying or renting. We were just hoping we would get a clear answer as we went...

Saturday we set out to look at houses we had seen on the MLS and a few town homes for rent. The houses for sale were not what we were looking for and the town homes were not quite what we wanted either (small kids + giant hill = no bike rides in the driveway). I was feeling a little defeated at the end of the day, BUT we really like my parents church and we would get to go the next day so at least we had that to look forward to before resuming our search.

During church on Sunday, where we were once again welcomed with open arms, I spent a lot of time praying. I even wrote on Facebook something like "we don't have a house, but we have a church and that seems like good place to start".

Turns out it was the perfect place to start!

I mentioned to the pastor that we were looking for a place to live (he knew we had been hoping for a Seattle transfer) before the service. At the greeting time he told Mark that a house was vacant in his neighborhood. That just two doors down from his family was a home vacated by the church guitar player. This sounded interesting.

After church Mark went to ask the pastor again about the house and to get an introduction to the prior tenant. When I came back from getting the kids, Mark was talking with the guy and getting the land lady's information and the address.

As soon as we could leave the boys with their grandparents after lunch we went to scope it out. A lovely little neighborhood and in an area that we wouldn't have even look otherwise. It was feeling like a God thing!

Monday morning I called this random lady and asked if she was still the owner and interested in renting the house. She said she hadn't even had time to list it yet. Perfect! We want first pick!

Wednesday we met her at the house to walk through and it looked like a good fit for our family. As we left, the pastor was in his driveway so we went over and talked to him. Their family is very similar to ours in number/ages of kids.

Thursday we turned in our application and prayed like crazy. We had a couple back ups (see town house mentioned above) but really wanted this house...and to have a solid answer before we left on Friday.

On Friday morning we were heading to the airport and I got an email saying we were APPROVED! Thank you, GOD! It will be so fun to live by kids that our boys can play with and two doors down from the location of the small group we would best fit in for church!

Going to church really is the best place to start....and we are off to a great one in our new adventure!

Brave: A Pep Talk, Of Sorts...

I have a thing about bravery. I guess you could say I have been studying the idea of bravery this year.

This year has required some bravery. Not the easy peasy looking movie version...the REAL version: The sleepless nights, endless thinking about possibilities, crying on the shower floor, real deal bravery.

And, well, sometimes often frequently I fall off my own wagon. I just hit on the despair and can't get to the bravery of just moving through a life that is a bit hard right now.

So I needed a pep talk last week. I was feeling miserable about a lot of things and had to really stop and really think "what is the brave answer?". And a few things came to mind...my own visual pep talk..before I settled on the brave answer that day.

I figure if I post them all here, I can revisit this pep talk as needed this summer. Seriously, it will be needed.

First, one of my favorite songs. I keep this loaded on my phone for a quick reminder...

(There is a music video version, but honestly, I don't get it)

And then I read this Bible verse...

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.- 2 Timothy 1:7

I love that verse for bravery. Sometimes I am fearful of just life and I need the reminder that I have been given a spirit far beyond fear.

God then used my brother in a crazy way for my pep talk. My birthday was 2 months ago but on the day I needed this bravery reminder...well, a birthday present came from my brother...

A "be brave" bracelet!!

And finally, a post from one of my favorite authors and random Facebook post writers, Jon Acuff!

Bravery is a choice, not a feeling.
Posted by Jon Acuff on Wednesday, June 17, 2015

Once I had gone through all of those, I could think about my question...

"what is the brave next step?"

and I found one.

Not a perfect answer to all of life's current problems but an answer of what would brave look like for that day. And that tiny start of movement from desperate to brave started to move again in my soul and that was enough.

Be Brave.

Taking the Cake

I could share many Isaac stories from each day, but this one from today, quite literally, takes the cake!!!

Let me back up. For Father's Day we bought a chocolate scoop cake. This is basically layers of cake, chocolate mousse, and whip cream in a container about 5 inches tall. It tastes amazing! 

Isaac seems to agree.

We decided to have the cake for our dessert after dinner and gave each boy a small bowl. Both of them finished quickly and then proceeded to eat mine. (Of course!) Mark left the cake on the counter while we ate.

And it was spaghetti night. Which means, at our house anyway, a LOT of clean up after dinner. The boys were cleaned first and headed of to play. All seemed fine.

Then Joel called for "MOM-MEEEEEEE" and since it had been a little quiet and the boys were in Joel's room I went to check. Joel was stuck trying to get to Isaac...

...and where was Isaac???...

That little sneak had snagged the entire container of cake as he left the kitchen a few minutes before!! I found him tucked between the guest bed and the wall...face first into the cake container, arms wrapped around it, going at it like, well, a kid on cake!!! Seriously just using his mouth to get as much chocolate as possible before he was caught!

And this might be where we see the parenting fail in the story...

I laughed. I laughed HARD. I tried not to. I really did, but that little brown head all tucked into that container of chocolate cake...how could I NOT laugh.

So I took the cake and told him to go wash up. Mark asked if Isaac needed to be disciplined and I said "yeah, but I already laughed!". We talked about not taking food without asking, but I doubt it sunk in much :(

Life with Isaac is always interesting...and, apparently, delicious!!

Conversations with a Three Year Old: Morning Sickness Edition

In general, all of our conversations with Isaac regarding the new baby are pretty funny. He certainly has a lot of questions, ideas, and opinions (especially about names!). Some of his best comments, though, come about when I am sick (and by "sick", I mean leaning over the toilet loosing my breakfast). And since this happens almost every day...well, there is a lot of talk about vomit around here!

Sunday's version...

We were actually on our way to church and I wasn't feeling well. I told Mark to pull over so I could throw up before we got to the church parking lot. As I was leaning out the car door, I hear this conversation...

Isaac: Is Mommy throwing up the baby? [an ongoing concern]

Daddy: No, the baby just sometimes makes Mommy's tummy hurt so she throws up food. Only a doctor can get the baby out. [Because that is all a three year old needs to know!]

Isaac: He will use a rope. [WHAT?!?!?!]

Daddy: Nooo, he won't use a rope to the get baby out. Sometimes he uses his hands. And sometimes the doctor even uses a knife!

Isaac: How?

I abruptly ended their chat at this point because as you are throwing up on the side of the road you don't really want to contemplate having a baby cut out of you with a knife!!!

I can only imagine the questions regarding delivery are only going to get more interesting from here!!

A Thriving Surprise

I have some happy Thriving news today!

One of the reasons I found myself in the Middle Life this year was my desire for another child. We always wanted several kids, but kids haven't been easy to come by in our family. So I felt in the Middle with my desires.

In the last year we lost three babies at early stages of pregnancy. It hurts. It makes it hard to Thrive, but we continued to have faith that we would have more kids. And I blogged about it, too!

And now we have some happy news!! Actually, the happy news has been around for a few months, but when you have the problems we do it is hard to share early...so we waiting and prayed and hoped and prayed and started to allow ourselves to dream...and now we can finally share this happy news...

That's Right...we are adding a fifth Bennett in December!!

So far everything looks perfect with this little guy and we are so thankful for yet another miracle boy!!

The Poop Story

Because every family with small kids needs a good poop story. Be warned, this is probably not the post to read if you don't like a crazy poop story!

Last night right after dinner Mark needed to mow the lawn. I told him the boys needed a bath and I was just about over the day.

Famous last words.

Because then...
Joel has a tendency to poop in the bathtub. I have no idea why, but we deal with this on a pretty regular basis. Which is a bigger problem than it even sounds when you have two kids bathing together. I was pretty sure we would be OK, though, because Joel had already had a dirty diaper that day.

I was wrong.

A few minutes into the bath and there is a tiny speck of poop in the water because Joel tooted. Everyone out, drain, start over. Hurry to wash everyone just in case. Isaac starts to yell. Joel is fully pooping on one of the toy boats! I quickly grab child and boat and the water remains clean for Isaac...but I have a poopy child and boat in my hands. So I try to dump the poop in the toilet but splash it on the floor as Joel jerked my arm while trying to sit down and also smears poop on the side of the tub. I can deal with this. Clean up kid. Clean up toilet enough that we can start to dry everyone off and move to the jammies stage. The rest of the bathroom bleaching can come a little later.

Get the boys in their towels and grab the first bunch of poopy towels to get to the washing machine. House is too quite. Yep, naked boys outside! I go outside to get them and Isaac said they both needed to poop so they went outside. I pointed out that we poop indoors and ushered everyone back inside.

Isaac heads for the bathroom but lets me know it is not clean enough to use. So I run in to wipe it down quickly for him. Turn around to get Joel so I can get someone, ANYONE, in clothing. No Joel. He is outside AGAIN. This time actually pooping on the patio!! And then walked through it! AHHHH!

Got Joel inside and cleaned up. Noticed poop on my jeans. The whole time I am cleaning up Joel, Isaac is yelling that he needs to poop but there is a toy in the potty! WHAT?!?!?  Yes, he chose that moment to put a matchbox car in the toilet! Feeling like some child of mine needed to be in a safe and secure spot, I put Joel in his crib. Went to the bathroom with Isaac and made him get the toy out of the toilet. Then I told him to wash up and grabbed his still naked self to get him to the sink. At which point he yells "JUST DON"T TOUCH MY BUTT!" And I look down to see that he had already started to poop...and it was on my other pant leg! Great. Now I have poop from TWO kids on me! So I get him back on the toilet and go add my jeans to the poopy laundry pile. Then I went and cleaned up the patio. Then I wiped Isaac's behind and got clothes on him.

And at that moment Mark comes back in from simply mowing the yard. And did I ever have a story for him...

As an added bonus, somewhere in that story, I hurt my ankle...no idea where, no idea how, but it hurt! Thankfully, it is getting a little better tonight.