Fifteen years later

Today is March 19^th. A day that always sticks in my mind.

I graduated from college on March 19^th.

Fifteen years ago.

Wait? What? How did that happen?

Honestly, I was a little shocked when I looked at the date today.

I can still remember the day. I walked out of the college of social sciences and in to the sun. The world felt really, really big. I felt really, really small. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next but I do remember being very ready to be done with college.

But I didn’t just feel small. I felt like I was on the edge of something. The next few months would be my steps to what life would bring next.

Spoiler alert…it went almost NOTHING like I had planned!

Oh, I did a lot of the things I said I was going to do…but just as many didn’t happen. The biggest things that have happened in the last 15 years were not even in my wildest dreams (or nightmares, as the case may be, but mostly dreams). I did go to work in Washington, DC. I did do R&D for the government. I never did get that PhD I was heading for. I don’t live anywhere near Washington, DC now. I don’t spend my days using my college degree in the way I had intended.

BUT, I would like to think that the things I did end up doing were the ones that mattered and I know I am right where I am supposed to be (even if some days that isn’t nearly as glamorous as my original plan).

Of my plans when I left college, the ones that I have fulfilled the most are the ones regarding relationships rather than career. That feels good. What I ended up doing have been things that matter and here are a few of them…

1. I married a great guy.

2. We adopted an amazing son.

3. Through heartache, I learned a way to help others.

4. I owned a company that allowed my family to move forward in many ways.

5. I spend my days pouring my life into my four kids.

6. I am raising a child with unique abilities to be the best world changer he can be.

7. I have found a path to encourage and inspire other women in their roles as women, wives, and mothers.

Today is another sunny March 19^th. I took my almost 2-year-old daughter for a walk on the shores of Lake Washington today. Not where I planned to be, probably not who I planned to be with (the kids were all supposed to be in school by now in my plans 😊). I thought a lot about the journey and the destination. The journey has been good. The destination, unexpected, but still good…and I still have a lot of journey left to go.

In another 15 years I will be almost fifty-one. My daughter will be almost 17 years old. We may take a walk that day. She probably won’t cry about leaving the playground. I hope that on that day I stop to think about the journey. I hope I can say those years have been just as fulfilling for relationships as the last 15 years. I hope I can say I am still right where I am supposed to be.

Lecture Review: Anxiety and ADHD by Dr. Chris McCurry

Thanks to my parents (for paying for the tickets, and watching the kids), I was able to attend a lecture by Dr. Chris McCurry last night titled "The Rise of Anxiety and ADHD: Solutions for Your Family. It was a chock full of interesting information and good ideas for anxious kids (and their sometimes equally anxious parents!). Let me just say, I used most of the tips Dr. McCurry gave between 8:03 and 8:57 this morning!!

A couple basic comments about ADHD and anxiety. Dr. McCurry said he thinks there is more overlap in symptoms than are usually given. The best side note he said about ADHD was that "it is something you do, not something you have". The behaviors are things you do, not that you ARE ADHD. This makes it more external to the child, and really, we all have the behaviors at times, right? He also said that the name wasn't accurate, because a lot of ADHD diagnosed kiddos can actually hyper focus on a preferred activity. It is more accurately named "Attention Allocation Disorder" and more importantly it is an "Intention Deficit Disorder". Their intention is lacking the right focus.

He also discussed feelings. That you don't really get rid of feelings, like anger or worry; what you really want is to teach children to be brave and courageous when they have those feelings.

I can act my way into feeling better sooner than I can feel my way into acting better. - O.H. Mowrer

We can help kids by helping them change their actions, not necessarily their feelings.


So what do we do to help anxious or ADHD diagnosed kids?

Dr. McCurry suggests we change the process of interacting with our kids. Remembering that they regress in the moment to a younger age ("I don't know how to be ten years old, but I know how to be four years old") and we don't want to regress with them!!

Changing The Process
1. Increase awareness - Everyone take a deep breath. Distractions (of all kinds) will happen for anyone.

Parents can remember this acronym to help them be mindful in the moment.
S.O.B.E.R.
Stop
Observe
Breathe
Expand - what are the possibilities? or contract if we need to (let's not worry about the whole homework)
Respond - Once the parent is calm and has thought of the possibilities, they can respond rather than react to the child

2. ‎Change the focus of attention ("Change the Channel")
Breathing exercises - Belly breath, ferris wheel, Darth Vader breath
Problems and conditions - which is it? Problems need solutions, Conditions need coping. We can change the focus from looking for a solution to a condition that we really just need to cope with.

3. ‎Make decisions leading to values-driven action (older kids like 7/8)
Choices (big) and Decisions (little stuff every day that support or don't support the choice) . All of your decisions then can tie to a value goal. The most important thing is to remember the most important thing. Helping a kid remember that can help them keep their focus and do even the undesirable task. In some cases the kid may not "want" to, but could they be "willing" to get to the values and choices they desire? (Example is not "wanting" to do homework, but "willing" because their choice and value is to be a good student). Dr. McCurry referred to this as "wantingness" versus "willingness".

Also in values he talks about "two sides of the same coin" and to teach kids (even with a visual of a coin) that is they want the "good stuff" they need to do the "challenging stuff".

The last big take away was validation. "All behavior is a message, and a behavior won't begin to change until the person knows his message was received". We can validate the child's feelings, let the know we hear them and understand the feelings, before we even go to the work of changing the process.

Overall, I was very happy with the new information we learned and I will definitely be checking out Dr. McCurry's book very soon!

The Awesome House Finding Story

We arrived in Seattle late on Friday night with ONE week to find a house. After months of wondering if the job would come through or looking at houses night after night, we still were uncertain about buying or renting. We were just hoping we would get a clear answer as we went...

Saturday we set out to look at houses we had seen on the MLS and a few town homes for rent. The houses for sale were not what we were looking for and the town homes were not quite what we wanted either (small kids + giant hill = no bike rides in the driveway). I was feeling a little defeated at the end of the day, BUT we really like my parents church and we would get to go the next day so at least we had that to look forward to before resuming our search.

During church on Sunday, where we were once again welcomed with open arms, I spent a lot of time praying. I even wrote on Facebook something like "we don't have a house, but we have a church and that seems like good place to start".

Turns out it was the perfect place to start!

I mentioned to the pastor that we were looking for a place to live (he knew we had been hoping for a Seattle transfer) before the service. At the greeting time he told Mark that a house was vacant in his neighborhood. That just two doors down from his family was a home vacated by the church guitar player. This sounded interesting.

After church Mark went to ask the pastor again about the house and to get an introduction to the prior tenant. When I came back from getting the kids, Mark was talking with the guy and getting the land lady's information and the address.

As soon as we could leave the boys with their grandparents after lunch we went to scope it out. A lovely little neighborhood and in an area that we wouldn't have even look otherwise. It was feeling like a God thing!

Monday morning I called this random lady and asked if she was still the owner and interested in renting the house. She said she hadn't even had time to list it yet. Perfect! We want first pick!

Wednesday we met her at the house to walk through and it looked like a good fit for our family. As we left, the pastor was in his driveway so we went over and talked to him. Their family is very similar to ours in number/ages of kids.

Thursday we turned in our application and prayed like crazy. We had a couple back ups (see town house mentioned above) but really wanted this house...and to have a solid answer before we left on Friday.

On Friday morning we were heading to the airport and I got an email saying we were APPROVED! Thank you, GOD! It will be so fun to live by kids that our boys can play with and two doors down from the location of the small group we would best fit in for church!

Going to church really is the best place to start....and we are off to a great one in our new adventure!