Changing perspectives: Leaning In

In early 2013, I had a toddler and had just found out I was pregnant with my second child. I owed a small business that did government consulting and, up to this point, had worked full time. But in that season, I was winding down some of my work and gear up to be more involved in the care and keeping of (soon to be) two little boys. I was thrilled with the direction my life was taking. As much as I loved my work, I loved being a wife and mom and running our little household.

At this same time a very popular book was released. It made all the morning talk show rounds. It was showing us a new way for women to look at their careers. It was a call to be more in the workplace. It was a call, as the title shared with us, to Lean In. Sheryl Sandberg’s book was a hot topic among my friends, especially working friends. It sent many of them in to a frenzy of how to, once again, figure out how to have it all. Whatever they did with their families, they better not “lean out” at work. To be honest, I didn’t read the book because what my friends were saying about it was stressful enough. I was clearly in the “lean out” group. It was where I wanted to be, but all of a sudden, with this new hit phrase of “lean in”, I was starting to question what value I would have should I continue down the path I was on to move more towards staying home with my babies.

Fast forward three years and I now had three little boys and had recently moved. Over the past year I had done very little paid work and was trying to decide if I would go back and look for more work. That decision was, in a way, made for me when we learned about Peter’s neurological condition and birth defect. I was definitely needed full time at home with all of his therapies and doctor visits so I closed the doors of my company. I had officially “leaned out”.

Lots of feelings and emotions and thoughts have filled the last 3 years since I closed the doors of my company. I love being a mom. I love being home with my kids. I miss making money. I miss interacting with the technical side of my brain. I don’t miss the politics of work or the stress of finding contracts. I still feel this little tug of guilt that I am not doing “enough” as a stay at home mom. How do you measure success? Accomplishment? Could another mom have “done it all”?

Then a trusted advisor handed me an article that reframed it all. On the day before Mother’s Day this year the Wall Street Journal had an article titled “Coming to Appreciate Stay-at-Home Moms”. It was written by a childless career woman who had recently landed on some hard times. She was amazed to find out that in her time of crisis it was her friends who were stay at home moms who had the time and space in their lives to help her, to listen to her, to care about her wellbeing. They were simply doing for her what they did for their families. As the writer put it “they were leaning in – to people, not organizations.” They were creating the most important ingredient for a better future…human capital.

Wow. That flipped my narrative from 2013 right upside down. I certainly had leaned out from the corporate table, but I have very much been leaning in to family. My last few years have been spent in countless therapies, preschool drop offs, playgroups, dinner making, Target runs, diaper changes, and many sleepless nights with, and over, the kids. I have been leaning in very very far. I have invested these years in my family, in raising good humans. And that is a very good and worth endeavor. I am leaning…exactly where I am supposed to be.

A night alone

Over the course of the last year or two as I have learned what self care means on a regular basis and to me personally, I have been trying to take a night away from home every month (or maybe two). My husband does an amazing job of keeping everyone happy at home so I can step away, pause, and renew my mind for my role as wife, mother, and operations manager of our family!

(These nights do always feature a favorite take out dinner)

Sometimes it is about sleep (okay, it is always a little bit about sleep) and reading or watching a movie and just stepping out of my daily roles.

But more often it is about a moment to pause and reflect on what has been happening in my rapid fire lifestyle. It is a time to look ahead to what is coming. What season are we in? What is the next season? What needs to be prepared for next?

There are nights like this one where I know that we are entering a busy few weeks. That this

is our last weekend home before we are out of town for three weekends in a row. Tonight is about having the time to put on some quiet music of my own choosing (and not negotiating with a six year old DJ) and putting some thought into what we need to pack. To take a moment to figure out some logistics. Have time to hear my own thoughts about what a trip to the beach for 10 days looks like (do you even understand the packing this involves?).

It doesn't have to be a movie night on the couch to be self care. It can be a night of balancing the check book, finishing a few projects, and planning for the next few weeks that restores my soul and fills my cup. These might actually be my favorite evenings away alone. The ones where I am still actively playing out my roles but just in a calmer environment that speaks to my soul.

I will finish up soon. I will head to bed for that sleep I mentioned. Then I will get up tomorrow and be so excited to see all my people. The ones for whom I am happy to do this work, this planning, this preparation. The ones who will bring the noisy back in to my day. The sweet faces I get to travel with for the next few weeks and I will be in a much better place to take them all on.

Lego Instructions Organization

We are starting to enter the Lego season with the boys...which I am pretty sure last the rest of their lives! Their daddy also has a few sets that he has received as gifts and little paper instruction books tucked on shelves were starting to make me itch!!

I looked around for a good solution and saw several 3-ring binder ideas so I made one that fit what we have now and should be able to grow as the kids collection grows...

First I picked up a one-inch binder. That fits what we have now with room to grow. Added a cover that makes me smile...

Then I labeled a set of dividers by types of Lego sets...Duplo, Creator, Technic, etc. For the movie based sets I just added a "movies" tab. If they get a lot for a specific movie, say Star Wars, we can always make a special section (I love how this will grow with them).

I then put each instruction booklet into a clear sleeve and put a large sticker with identifying information on the sleeve.

 If there was more than one booklet (like the Creator sets often have three things than can be created) I noted that on the sticker.

The sticker identifies the type of set, the Lego set number, and the name of the set. This should* allow for the instructions and the sleeve to always end up back in the right place.

(*should - we are still talking about little boys here...)

This project took about 15 minutes, because we are at the beginning of this season, and I am hoping I can keep it up as we grow!!

Shelf Life

I crave organization in my life and sometimes the Middle Life is not the most organized place one can be. There are often many things that are so up in the air my entire life feels disorganized.

So I create organization! My house is my best place for this, With two little boys, toys galore, clothes being outgrown, a love of kitchen gadgets, and a home office there is pretty much always a little corner that could use some organization.

Recently, the top shelf of the least used cupboard in my kitchen has been driving me nuts (and trying to kill me - things often fall out of it on to my head!). It looked a lot like this:

All of those things are related to baking or kid art stuff.

One of my problems in taking on this space was the desire to not spend a lot of money. So I made a few of my organizers. The process is fun and adds a pop of color:

I was going to try to do this for all of the boxes, but I was getting impatient waiting for just the right sizes so I bought a couple things.

And now it looks like this...

And I am happy. And being happy is part of Thriving in the Middle Life!!

I love you and naps

That basically sums up my relationship with my toddlers!

Or I guess it could say "I love you and YOUR naps".

I love my boys so very much. I love being home with them very much.

But a mommy needs a break. An introvert needs a break. Even from her own precious children. There is nothing wrong with this, and if I can get on my soap box for a moment, I think other mom's might also thrive a little more if they did this. too.

So this is one of the ways I have set up my life to Thrive. Since I started Joel on a loose schedule at a few months old I focused on making sure my boys napped simultaneously each day. Yes, there are days when they are sick or something crazy happens that this doesn't happen, but 98% of the time their naps overlap.

And I am certain the very happiness of our family is dependent on this.

When Joel was taking three naps a day, Isaac joined in for the middle nap. When Joel moved to two naps, Isaac's nap moved back to match Joel's afternoon nap. Now that Joel is moving to one nap, on those days, Isaac's nap comes forward, too. When they are passed the nap stage, this will be a quiet time in our afternoon.

This is all in an attempt to give myself mommy time to refresh. Some days, probably less than half the time right now (much more when Joel was a newborn) I take a little nap. Most days, I do something that just needs doing that is hard with tiny hands around, or I blog, or do some extra reading. But mostly, I just have time to myself. I rarely even answer the phone during this hour.

Because I want to Thrive and I know that I need some quiet space in my day for that to be possible.

And when they wake up? I am happy to have my cuddly little noise makers back for the rest of the day!!

A Cold Tuesday

I know it is Thursday.

This is about Tuesday.

I have little kids, sometimes these things take a few days.

Tuesday I had a Thriving in the Middle Life Victory!

It was a COLD COLD COLD day (repeating words is allowed when the temperature is in the teens). I had a recently had a new idea for potty training I wanted to try with Isaac (for another post). I had a headache. Joel still has lots of snot. Basically, we were not going anywhere.

My plan for the day (as of Monday night) included cookie making and a roasted chicken dinner. Neither of those felt like they fit with potty training, snot, headaches, and being irritated with living somewhere we can't go outside on a sunny day in January.

So I thought about letting the boys watch TV all day and asking Mark to bring home dinner.

But, then I thought about it, and that wouldn't be Thriving. That would be barely existing in the Middle Life. That would be letting Satan win with depression. No, that would not do.

I took some medicine. I set butter out to soften. I prayed my headache would go away. I cleaned up pee.

And we read books, and we played, and pee made it to the potty! and we had lunch.

And we made cookies (well, Joel and I made cookies...one year olds are best at eating the cranberries, not actually helping...but he was there, and that was fun)

And I took a nap. Headache gone. Thank you, Jesus!

And I roasted a chicken.

Most importantly, I went to bed feeling like I had won.

For that day I had Thrived in the Middle Life!