Living

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living. (NKJV)
Psalms 27:13

A friend of mine shared this verse recently. It wasn't new to me...I have clung to it before as a reminder to look around and see what God is doing even when I feel hopeless.

I just hadn't thought of it in a while until last week when I realized it summarized how I had been trying to live in my Middle Life over the last few months. 

Last year threw me a few punches in an old fight I didn't even know I was fighting. Talk about unfair! 

It has taken some time to heal from miscarrying not once, but twice, in just a few months. I wasn't even thinking of new babies but I wanted them when I thought they were coming and, honestly, I still want them knowing they are so much safer in the arms of Jesus right now.

Keeping myself focused on the land of the living took effort through that grieving process. I know it took effort because a couple of times before in a similar grieving process (you get a lot of tries with 5 miscarriages) I didn't do well on this focus at. all. This time I wanted to be different and I was.

But I can't really take credit. The Lord has given me my focus on the land of the living. There are two living babies that are sleeping in my house right now. They are there smiling each time I look in the review mirror of my car (well, always there, just not always smiling, they are toddlers after all). 

These little boys show me the hope in the land of the living each and every day. On days it would be so much easier to pull the covers back over my head and cry "why" and "when will get to where we want to be", I remember that I believe I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. And when it is hard? God is Good...God has given me two of the most special reminders of this process I could ever ask for!!

So I continue to apply this and I am working to not lose heart in the Middle Life.