Living

I would have lost heart, unless I had believed
That I would see the goodness of the LORD
In the land of the living. (NKJV)
Psalms 27:13

A friend of mine shared this verse recently. It wasn't new to me...I have clung to it before as a reminder to look around and see what God is doing even when I feel hopeless.

I just hadn't thought of it in a while until last week when I realized it summarized how I had been trying to live in my Middle Life over the last few months. 

Last year threw me a few punches in an old fight I didn't even know I was fighting. Talk about unfair! 

It has taken some time to heal from miscarrying not once, but twice, in just a few months. I wasn't even thinking of new babies but I wanted them when I thought they were coming and, honestly, I still want them knowing they are so much safer in the arms of Jesus right now.

Keeping myself focused on the land of the living took effort through that grieving process. I know it took effort because a couple of times before in a similar grieving process (you get a lot of tries with 5 miscarriages) I didn't do well on this focus at. all. This time I wanted to be different and I was.

But I can't really take credit. The Lord has given me my focus on the land of the living. There are two living babies that are sleeping in my house right now. They are there smiling each time I look in the review mirror of my car (well, always there, just not always smiling, they are toddlers after all). 

These little boys show me the hope in the land of the living each and every day. On days it would be so much easier to pull the covers back over my head and cry "why" and "when will get to where we want to be", I remember that I believe I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living. And when it is hard? God is Good...God has given me two of the most special reminders of this process I could ever ask for!!

So I continue to apply this and I am working to not lose heart in the Middle Life.

Conversations with a Three Year Old: Part 2

Isaac is an early riser, at least compared to the rest of our family. We often have to remind him to go back to bed at 5:30 or 6:00 in the morning. However, he is wide awake and has some funny stuff to talk about as he is going back to bed.

Today's installment of that...

My name is Isaac. I liked to talk. I like to talk loud best.  I have so much to say. NanananaTHUNDER!

It is so hard not to laugh!

That last bit is his attempt to sing the song Thunderstruck by ACDC which happens to be his favorite song.

So I leave you with the video clip in case you, too, like singing along to ACDC...

Sometimes We Need Help to THRIVE

My husband travels for work. Not a lot, so I am thankful for that. But about one week a month I am on my own with the boys.

Thriving isn't always at its best on those weeks. 

Being a SAHM (Stay At Home Mom) is my dream job, but a girl could use a break! Many days, especially as Isaac gets closer to 3, I look forward to the amazing Daddy returning from work at 5pm each night.

And then we get to the travel weeks. And I need a lot more chocolate and deep breaths!

And help.

This week a friend offered to watch my boys one evening. Not only watch them, pick them up, feed them, and return them worn out just in time for bed. SURE! Name the night!

My mom then gave me a gift certificate to have my nails done. She knows that my days are just brighter when I am wiping bottoms, picking up toys, and doing dishes with pretty red finger nails.

So last night my kids went off, I got my nails done and spent a few minutes reading in the peace and quiet of my. own. home. Oh My! It.was.awesome!

And I took a few more deep breaths.

I am so thank for that help, for that rest, for the people in my life who care enough about me to help me THRIVE. Especially on the hard weeks.

And I was so ready for my little boy kisses and hugs when I got them back again!!

Note to myself in about 10 years: Never ever forget that the NUMBER ONE thing you can do for a mom of toddler is to take her children and feed them dinner! She will get rest and she will be thrilled to have one less meal to clean up after!

Mercy and Grace...for me, for my children (Part 2)

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 NKJV

I talked about how much I love this verse, and the words in it, as it applies to me, here.

This time it is about how this verse has impacted the way I interact with my children.

Mercy.

Grace.

Do my children know that they can come to me and "...obtain mercy and find grace"?

That can stop a mom of toddlers in her tracks.

On Sunday, the Pastor said after stepping on a small toy his child left out, "I wanted to wake him up, make him pick up all the toys, clean the whole house, scrub toilets, and maybe walk around the block with a boulder on his head". Man, are there ever days I feel like that! (He didn't, and I don't, by the way).

Yet. God is OUR parent. Thus, my boys are going to learn what God as a parent is like from their only source of knowledge about parents....me and their daddy. Wow. Let me say that another way..I am my child's first view of God.

Does that view include Mercy? Does that view include Grace?

Or (cringing a little)

Does that view include short fuses? Yelling? Punishment in anger?

I don't want Isaac and Joel to view God as primarily angry or frustrated. I want them to view God as Mercy. Grace. Help in their time of need. Love.

So I try to parent through that lens. I am far from perfect. But I think I am making imperfect progress. I calm down. I take a breath. I get on their level. And I dig deep (sometimes very deep) for the mercy and grace I want my kids to know.

Because I love them. Because God loves them so much more.

Mercy and Grace...for me, for my children (Part 1)

Sometimes a Bible verse pops up in several places in such a short period of time that it clearly is one I need to focus on.

That happened recently with this verse...and it turned out to be for me AND my children...

"Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in our time of need." Hebrews 4:16 NKJV

 I love the words in the verse.

Mercy.

Grace.

Help.

BOLDLY.

It is that last one that really has caught my eye as this verse relates to my life. So often we (well, maybe it is just me) go to God without a spirit of boldness. Like maybe we are bothering him just a little bit with our requests ("um, God, if you don't mind..."). Or maybe we go to God, let's be honestly, with a whiny spirit ("God, but, I waaaannnnt it").  But right here, the writer of Hebrews said we can go BOLDLY! And why not? God is our Father. We should be able to boldly ask our parent for something we need or want.

I am in the Middle Life right now due to a few things I am praying will change. And I should pray BOLDLY.  I can pray for the doors to be open. I can ask and seek and find. God can change each of the circumstances we are facing. At the same time, though, I am asking that if those doors don't open, that God will change my heart, my desires, my outlook. And I am still praying BOLDLY.

A lot of us feel that we can't pray boldly because we have messed up or are unworthy. but that is why the other words are so wonderful.

Grace.

Mercy.

God is Grace. God is Mercy. We can't mess up enough to approach the throne and not obtain mercy and find grace because Jesus paid it all.

ALL. So that we can approach BOLDLY. Like the favored children of a KING that we are.

(Part 2 will be how this verse relates to my children)

A Cold Tuesday

I know it is Thursday.

This is about Tuesday.

I have little kids, sometimes these things take a few days.

Tuesday I had a Thriving in the Middle Life Victory!

It was a COLD COLD COLD day (repeating words is allowed when the temperature is in the teens). I had a recently had a new idea for potty training I wanted to try with Isaac (for another post). I had a headache. Joel still has lots of snot. Basically, we were not going anywhere.

My plan for the day (as of Monday night) included cookie making and a roasted chicken dinner. Neither of those felt like they fit with potty training, snot, headaches, and being irritated with living somewhere we can't go outside on a sunny day in January.

So I thought about letting the boys watch TV all day and asking Mark to bring home dinner.

But, then I thought about it, and that wouldn't be Thriving. That would be barely existing in the Middle Life. That would be letting Satan win with depression. No, that would not do.

I took some medicine. I set butter out to soften. I prayed my headache would go away. I cleaned up pee.

And we read books, and we played, and pee made it to the potty! and we had lunch.

And we made cookies (well, Joel and I made cookies...one year olds are best at eating the cranberries, not actually helping...but he was there, and that was fun)

And I took a nap. Headache gone. Thank you, Jesus!

And I roasted a chicken.

Most importantly, I went to bed feeling like I had won.

For that day I had Thrived in the Middle Life!

TWO and ONE, TWO and ONE

Another post written before there was a bloggy home for it...

My kids are little and close together in age. Sometimes this is ever so clear in our daily interactions, but sometimes it still hits me like a ton of bricks.

Today was one of those times. In the middle of a VERY stressful situation where each of my boys was moving in a different direction and neither was going in the correct direction, I was asked "how old are they?"

I causally and quickly answered (as I was trying to stop Joel from damaging some expensive looking equipment), "two and one".

I am fairly certain this is the first time I have been asked that question since Joel's birthday. And there it hit me, even though my answer was quick. My mind heard it and went "Oooohhhh".

Yes, these boys are TWO and ONE. Both are learning boundaries  and limits and language and social cues and respect and so many other things...

This is just going to be life for awhile...two boys, two directions, some extra stress (probably some extra judgment from onlookers)...but that is OK because I know they are growing and learning...

And I will just keep repeating "TWO and ONE'!!

Thankfor for a sick day

This was written back in December before I had a good bloggy home for it!

Today I am feeling extra thankful!

Today my baby is sick.

Yes, they go together.

Joel has had a crummy cold for two weeks. He has that sick but still active kid look to him. The one that makes you wonder if you should really bother calling the doctor. But it has been two weeks, his face has some weird rash, and has back end isn't doing well either.

So off we went to the doctor. He probably has an underlying infection. Should be getting better with his first ever round of antibiotics.

And that was the first reason for thankfulness with a sick Joel. He is 13.5 months and this is our first real infection his body couldn't quite fight alone. That's pretty good.

Then the second reason, my kids are mostly healthy. I saw a couple kids that clearly had chronic health issues at the clinic. That requires a whole different level of super hero parenting. So I am thankful that even though we had to make a quick run to the doctor for a cold, we don't go very often.

Finally, I was reading tonight about a newborn who contracted bacterial meningitis and is fighting for her life. Wow! Again, it put my little snot nose baby in perspective and I am so thankful that my boys have been, on the whole, pretty healthy.

I don't, and won't, take that for granted.

I am thankful today for the reminder for just how much we have to be thankful for in healthy kids!!

Conversations with a Three Year Old: Part 1

Confession: Our son isn't three yet. BUT he is only about six weeks away and we are already having those crazy conversations you only have with someone this age.

This will be a regular installment as Mark and I navigate the wonders of having a three year old living under our roof. Given that 8 months after Isaac turns four, Joel will be three...we will be in this phase for awhile!

So, yesterday....
Time: Afternoon Snack
Where: Kitchen

Mommy: Isaac, do you want a butter sandwich? (A butter sandwich is one piece of bread folded in half with butter on it)

Isaac: TWO butter sandwiches!

M: How about a big butter sandwich? (As in two pieces of bread with butter in the middle)

I: Okay.

(Mommy starts to take bread out of bag, Isaac starts to whine about something being wrong)

I: NO, I want a BREAD sandwich!

M: Okay, here you go. (Putting two pieces of bread together and handing them to Isaac thinking in my head in my best internal Olaf voice "ok, easier for me")

I: NO, do it myself! (Puts bread back on counter. Stacks bread. Picks bread up)

(Takes one bite)

I: Can I have butter on it, please?

Final verdict...what he really wanted was a bread sandwich with butter. Which is totally and completely different than a butter sandwich!!

Yes, I did leave the room to laugh!

Thriving in the Middle Life

Thriving.

Middle Life.

Thriving in the Middle Life.

This is my goal.

This is my journey.

What does it mean?

Thriving. To Thrive: to grow vigorously, to progress toward or realize a goal despite or because of circumstances. (Webster's Dictionary)

Middle Life: that part of life where we are waiting or working for something but not there yet. Hint: Most of life is lived here. (Paraphrased and condensed from several conversations with my dad)

Putting that all together...

I want to Thrive in the Middle Life. I want to grow vigorously during a time in my life where I am working towards some things and waiting for some other things given my circumstances.

And this is where I am going to document my Thriving. Or the imperfect progress of thriving. Here, in my Middle Life.

Let the journey begin.